Yasmin Recovery Coach

God, it creeps in when you don’t expect it.
When you have it all.

The friendships.
The relationships.
A new home.
A new kitten.

And yet, it’s still there.

I think we all feel lonely at times. And for me, that loneliness was one of the reasons I drank. Drinking filled the void. It numbed the feelings I didn’t want to accept or sit with. It gave me the illusion of connection, of comfort, of not being alone.

But now I can’t drink or smoke it away.

I have to sit with it.
Feel it.
Let it be uncomfortable.
And trust that it will pass over me.

Usually, a meeting or talking to friends helps. But nothing helped not even being by the water which is my happy place. I just kept getting angrier and more resentful at the world. It’s taken most of the day to understand why I felt so angry when plans changed. Some of it was hormones- that’s real. But underneath it always fear.

Fear of being alone.
Fear of being left out.
Fear of not being part of something.

I understand logically that plans change. I’m responsible, reasonable, and adaptable- most of the time! But when that deeper fear kicks in, I struggle to pivot. Anger and resentment show up instead. Not because I don’t understand, but because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

And here’s the thing:
I can’t use things to fill that void anymore.

Maybe that’s why people turn to God or spirituality to fill that hole in the soul. To trust there’s something bigger than us. Something steady when our emotions aren’t. Something to believe in when we feel unanchored.

What always helps is helping others. A good friend reminded me of that today. Calling someone else in sobriety. Being of service. Paying it forward. It gets me out of my own head- the place where the “shitty committee” lives. That loud, chaotic circus that tells me I should be angry, that it’s “poor me,” that I should isolate and stew in loneliness.

It can get wild up there.

But what I do know is this:

I have zero desire to drink.
Zero desire to go back to my old ways.

Because I know this will pass.
I know tomorrow is a new day.
And I know I am not alone.

There is always someone at the other end of the phone.

Moments of good and bad pass through.
Nothing stays forever, not the highs, not the lows.

My life has grown bigger and better in sobriety. I have more connection, more stability, more purpose than I ever did before. And still I’m human.

I have feelings. I have wounds. And I have ADHD, which can amplify emotions and make moments of perceived rejection feel overwhelming and all-consuming.

Sometimes it’s not that I am rejected, it’s that my nervous system experiences it that way. A change of plans, a pause in communication, a shift in energy can feel like abandonment when it isn’t.

Sobriety hasn’t removed my emotions, it’s taught me how to sit with them, understand them, and respond instead of react.

Feelings pass.
Stories fade.
And I don’t have to believe every thought my mind offers me.

I am safe.
I am connected.
And I am not alone even when it feels that way.

Top Tips for Loneliness in Sobriety

1. Don’t isolate, even when you want to
Loneliness lies to us and tells us to pull away. Do the opposite. Text someone. Call someone. Go to a meeting. Connection doesn’t have to be deep, it just has to be real.

2. Name what’s actually happening
Ask yourself: Am I lonely, tired, hormonal, hungry, overwhelmed, or afraid?
Often it’s not “everything” and it’s one thing wearing a disguise.

3. Be of service
Help someone else. Check in on another person in recovery. Offer support. Service pulls us out of self-pity and reminds us we matter.

4. Sit with the discomfort and don’t run from it
Feelings pass when we let them. They grow when we avoid them. You don’t need to fix loneliness, you just need to let it move through you.

5. Have a “change of plans” plan
If plans fall through, already know what you’ll do instead:
A walk. A gym session. A podcast. A call. A meeting. Meditate.
Preparation prevents emotional spirals.

6. Remember your why
You didn’t get sober to escape feelings, you got sober to live through them. Every wave you ride strengthens your recovery.

7. Trust: this is temporary
Loneliness is a season, not a sentence.
“This too shall pass” isn’t just a saying- it’s the truth.

If you’re feeling lonely today, you’re not weak.
You’re human.
And you’re not alone, even when it feels like you are. 🤍

I am always here if anyone wants to connect. We can recover together.